An ordinary day

The painters have been here for four days, and there's more to come. They're in the lounge, in the hall, on the stairs, removing the old paper and plastering. Yesterday, a miracle happened: Peter and I agreed on new wallpaper, easily. It was not our first attempt. The paper may take a month or so to arrive, a breather from the tradies.

Since returning to my study, I have yet to clear my desk. Piles of papers. I don't know what they are. Somewhere among them is a request from the pension fund to attend to some admin. I am several months behind with this. I need to throw at least 50% away, clear space so that the children will not have to do it. I have a box of books for a 2nd hand bookshop, too heavy for me.

Two days ago I attended Renee's memorial. After mentioning Nicola Easthope because she couldn't make it, I read out the text Renee sent me when I was struggling with the book, telling me off for not working hard enough. It went down a treat, gales of laughter. Adrienne Jensen told me about the Landfall Press she and others have started. They are doing very well!

I have booked myself in to have my eyebrows and eyelashes dyed ('tinted')  - no makeup at sesshin. Left to their own devices, they are invisible and I look washed out, androgynous. Seshin starts on Monday, at Lake Rotoiti, by St. Arnaud.

I decided to keep a diary, to write like this every day as often as possible. I have now read two of Ian McEwan's books. He introduces evil into his stories, realistic and creepy. Not what I want, though I believe people tend to underestimate both its presence in our lives and its power. Then read Maggie O'Farrell's book I am, I am, I am. Seventeen brushes with death (Tinder press, 2017). Well written, but doesn't contribute anything, doesn't enlighten or surprise me: I had been writing up my own. Only five that I can remember. A little miffed she got there first - and much better! Her early years, before she became ill, resemble mine, desiring to be free, to follow whatever impulse arises, a need for stimulation, for excitement. 

Many criminals have the same urge; one theory claims it lies behind the impetus to offend. In one of McEwan's books, the criminal character displays it, in his case due to Huntington's.

Harold Pinter's poems on death (p. 263 and 221)

Meeting

It is the dead of night,

The long dead look out towards

The new dead

Walking towards them

There is a soft heartbeat 

As the dead embrace 

Those who are long dead

And those of the new dead 

Walking towards them

They cry and they kiss

As they meet again

For the first and last time

(No full stop at the end...)

  

Death

(Births and Deaths Registration Act 1953)

Where was the dead body found?

Who found the dead body?

Was the dead body dead when found?

How was the dead body found?

Who was the dead body?

Who was the father or daughter or brother

Or uncle or sister or mother or son

Of the dead and abandoned body?

 

Was the body dead when abandoned?

Was the body abandoned?

By whom had it been abandoned?

 

Was the dead body naked or dressed for a journey?

What made you declare the dead body dead?

How well did you know the dead body?

How did you know the dead body was dead?

Did you wash the dead body

Did you close both its eyes

Did you bury the body

 Did you leave it abandoned

 Did you kiss the dead body

I was careful about the punctuation. Neither poem ends with a full stop.

Harold Pinter's Old Times

 

I'm surprised. It was established today - via competitions - that I'm the worst player at the table tennis club. I thought I was progressing. Peter had warned me. He was right.

I picked up a book by Lady Antonia Fraser about her marriage to Harold Pinter Must you go? (2010, Weidenfeld & Nicolson). This copy has been withdrawn from New Plymouth library and there's no indication of its home. I don't know where I got it. I enjoyed much of it – how they met and their powerful rapport, the difficulties of managing a transition from their previous marriages to this one. The book is based on her diary, and some of it is tedious because this happened almost 50 years ago, many people are named who are no longer famous or well-known. I enjoyed the end of the book, where there's more detail about events. Also loved the poetry. The poem about death, which her son or her nephew (not his) read to the registrar for births and deaths. His own son was a tragedy.

Their meeting was serendipitous, in their 40s, both successful writers, though in different fields. Their backgrounds were also different. From what she wrote and from the photos in the book, they seem very close. They remind me of my own marriage, though Peter and I are not geniuses! We met at a party given by two people who lived in adjacent apartments which were open to everyone. He was invited by one and I by the other. On our first date, we experienced a strong connection and moved to live together soon after.  No other marriages needed dissolving, fortunately. We were also around 40 years old.

I find gifted people a mystery. Antonia Fraser writes that Pinter is a genius. So is she - many of her books best-sellers, on meaty historical subjects which others had written about already, less successfully.

The many authors and playwrights mentioned triggered a bout of book reservations from our public library: as I write this, I'm tempted to dip into one of Ian McEwan's books which I picked up yesterday. Wellington Library is an extraordinary resource. They always seem to have whatever book I read or hear about. I have four books on the go, and am about to pick up a fifth. My walk for the day.

I've now started reading Pinter’s plays. She mentions them often, from the sometimes inconvenient moment of inspiration, when they both hunt urgently for paper upon which to write the initial thought, until the play is performed. I've not read or seen them, but I've seen some of the films he wrote for.

The first play in the book of Pinter's plays is Old Times (1970, before he met Antonia). It's full of jolts and unexpected turns of phrase, in what seems on the surface an ordinary conversation between three people, a couple and the wife's best friend. I read it again, and then again. The commentary on the Wikipedia page contains factual errors, and anyway I don't agree with their analysis. 

Pinter was concerned with the unreliability of memory. In the play one person talks to another about the time they killed them, “and then you opened your eyes…” Was there a murder or not? Were there two murders? The wife is described as beautiful. She appears empty, hardly knowing how to express herself. Her language is bland, inexact.She says she prefers things damp, that water blurs things, like raindrops on eyelashes. Rather than the sharp edges of city life, she likes a reality with vague boundaries, the beach and the sea.

The husband is often away. He travels the globe, a word he prefers to the word ‘world’. The word ‘globe’ is also used to describe women’s buttocks. In a separate conversation, the husband and the visitor deplore the fact that the wife does not dry herself well after a bath (but we know she likes dampness, and wonder what business it is of theirs anyway) – particularly her buttocks. They agree easily, seeming well suited as a couple though they are not a couple. They sing phrases of the familiar old songs, which the wife says she's forgotten. 

I don't know why he cries. Twice. He sits 'crumpled' in a chair, which reminds me of a tissue, which absorbs damp...

There's also a game with the word 'proposing'. I must re read the play. Wikipedia reports that Anthony Hopkins, playing the husband, asked about the meaning of the ending. Pinter said, "Just do it."